The Phantom

First Qualifying Final – Western Suburbs vs East Coast Eagles

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the ground was buzzing, the Magpies were playing in their first final for 2010 and Tails had the biggest smile seen since the Running Man walked into a pub and was told that schooners were at middy prices. Yes finals fever was in the air and Wests were raring to avenge their disappointing finish to last years season, by toppling the 2009 premiers East Coast Eagles. Star centre-half forward Matt Withers almost didn’t make it to the ground, after firstly being held up grabbing a few last minute groceries for teammate Rohan Lilly and then being questioned by the police over allegations of ‘sneaking’ his way into the ground. However he managed to get there in time, and Lilly managed to get his bag of tomatoes. The omens were pointing in the Magpies favour, and the team was hot out of the blocks, piling on the first 5 goals of the match. Dave Linsen and Joel Minnichello were well on top in the first quarter - no person had dominated the clearances as much since Matt Eurell at Myer on Boxing Day. Blake Bray was finding space up forward, and more importantly the team was putting the pressure on the scoreboard.

The 2nd quarter was more even, with Wests having 5 scoring shots to 3, however East Coast kicked 3 straight and cut the margin to 10 points at half time. Supercoach Tognollini delivered a half time speech that did the trick, with Wests breathing fire in the 3rd quarter to again pile on 5 goals straight. Eid Kassem was having fun playing with the crowd, with his goals followed by animated discussion with certain crowd members over the size of his arms.  Dave Linsen continued to dominate the centre square and Dan Lambert was leading the defence admirably.

The 4th quarter saw East Coast cut the final winning margin to 31 points, however Wests were deserved victors. The backline even managed to lift their possession statistics in the last 5 minutes, chipping the ball around like Tiger Woods pre-divorce. A good start to the finals campaign for Wests, however a bigger challenge awaits this week, taking on the in-form Sydney Uni who are on a 14 game winning streak. The students won the last encounter against Wests, and have gone on to win every game after that encounter, including knocking off East Coast, North Shore and Pennant Hills, so this is a game that the Magpies will need to be right on top of their game if they are to emerge victorious. The game will be at Bruce Purser Oval, Kellyville Saturday 2pm. All Wests fans are urged to show their support.     

Moving on from the game, The Phantom, like most AFL fans with access to a TV, managed to catch the Ben Cousins documentary last week. The Phantom, like most Wests fans, couldn’t help but notice the similarities between Cousins, and our very own midfield maestro, Kris Cochrane. Both enjoy looking at themselves in the mirror, both enjoy using a solarium, both used to play the banjo until their strings broke, both enjoy late night runs, especially from abandoned vehicles; both love the gym and both are quality midfield players who have more definition in their arms than the Oxford Dictionary. Kris “Choppy” Cochrane has been a welcome inclusion in to the Magpies Nest this year, and he has fitted in very well. So well in fact, he can longer sleep alone without the camaraderie and mateship of his teammates alongside him. Thankfully Dwain Watkins was more than happy to volunteer to be the big spoon. Being from Tasmania, Cochrane is actually the first cousin of our other star Tasmanian, Dave Cusack, as Cusack’s Uncle is Cochrane’s Auntie. Small world. Another little know fact that you may not know, is that Princess Mary of Denmark used to live next door to Kris’s cousins on Marlin St, Hobart for several years in the 1980s.

So know that you know a little bit more of Choppy, expect a big game from him and the team this Saturday, as Wests will be desperate for a win to go straight through to their first Grand Final since 2005. See you at the game.

“Great cat is quick, the Phantom is quicker” – Old Jungle Saying

Round 18 - Wests vs Wollongong

After a one week hiatus caused by a sudden spike in nefarious activities taking place in the Bengali Jungle, the Phantom was back in action, travelling down to a chilly Wollongong to see the Mighty Magpies take on the Lions in the last round of the regular season. With Wollongong sitting on the bottom of the ladder, with more losses than Tognollini in a Poker tournament, Wests were warm favourites. Despite their being no ability to change their fixture for next week, with Wests guaranteed to finish 2nd or 3rd, the team still had a lot to play for with full-forward Matt 'The Trough' Eurell needing 4 goals to claim the Stan Milton trophy for leading goalkicker for the year.  

A 9 goal first quarter set up a comfortable win for the Magpies, and most importantly Trough kicked 5 for the game to wrap up the prestigious Stan Milton trophy. Brenton Mumme and Eid Kassem had strong games in the midfield and Matt Withers kicked 4 goals. The Phantom shall brush over the match, and take this opportunity to discuss the goal kicking exploits of the Trough. Words such as “mental toughness”, “respect”, “dedication” and “hard work” are words that cannot be used to describe the Trough. With the Phantom at a loss to find expressions to describe the Trough, he decided to canvas the opinion of rival captains in the league, in the hope that they could accurately describe the magnitude of Trough's achievement and the awe and respect in which he is held by other teams. Below are their responses to the question “tell the Phantom in one word your opinion of Matthew “The Trough” Eurell”

Balmain Dockers: “Who?”

Campbelltown: “umm….who?”

East Coast: “Could you speak slower please?”

North Shore: “Brett Kirk”

Pennant Hills: “Mortein”

St George: “Superstar”

Sydney University: “Crab”

UNSW/ES: “Pest”

Wollongong: “Yeah Matthew Withers is a great player….sorry Matthew you-rell?.... who's that?”

With the Phantom still struggling to place the Trough's achievements in their true context in the upper echelons of World History, he decided to go directly to the source and was lucky enough to grab a quick interview with the legend himself after the game:

Name: Matt Eurell

Nicknames: Stan Milton, Trough, Urinal, John, WC, Comfort Room, Latrine

Occupation: Priest

Favourite Pastime: Throwing golf clubs around

Funniest teammate: C-mac. No doubt.

Favourite Sydney AFL Goal: Round 6, 2009 vs Easts. I kicked my first ever goal from outside the goal square

Favourite Sydney AFL Mark: Breakers

Favourite Sydney AFL Tackle: Not yet

What does winning the Stan Milton trophy mean to you? It means that I have kicked the most amount of goals in the Sydney AFL in 2010

Do you get any satisfaction from being the leading goalkicker in 2010?

I play AFL for the team so its not about individual awards, I'm more about handballing and 2nd efforts and sheparding for my mates (at this point the interview is briefly paused as Trough is pelted with various football boots, socks, tape and other miscellaneous objects from his teammates)

How do you think the team is looking heading into the finals?

I think the team is looking very good, Dwain Watkins perm is in good shape, Dave Linsen's rat's tail is developing, Tails has shaved off his golden flowing locks and looks 40 years older and Lynn Roehrig is still wearing his shiny red moon boots.

Goals for 2010? 69.

No I mean goals for the team to achieve? Sydney AFL Premiership 2010.  

Thanks to the Trough for giving up his time for that interview. The Phantom would like to congratulate the Trough on winning the Stan Milton trophy. This week Wests play in the first qualifying final against East Coast on Saturday 2.15pm at Blacktown Olympic Park. The real season is upon us, so all you Magpies fans make yourself heard at the game on Saturday.

“In China it is said, man who looks on Phantom's naked face must surely die” - Old Jungle Saying 

In response to the overwhelming demand from the public, Wests were again given the prime time TV game slot, this time renewing their rivalry with the North Shore Bombers. The lead-up to the game was that huge, that Tony Abbot and Julia Gillard rescheduled their “Great Election Boredom Contest” (otherwise known as the debate number 2) in order to catch the action. Despite the loss of superstars Dwain Watkins and Chris Lees to injury and suspension, Wests were able to name a strong side by bringing back vice-captain Matthew Withers and former Swan Darryn Cresswell. North Shore were sitting 4th on the ladder and needed a victory to have any chance of finishing in the top 3. The round 1 contest saw the Magpies hold off a late Bomber raid to run out victors by 4 points, so it was with much alacrity that the crowd filed into a sun-drenched Blacktown Olympic Park.

The first quarter did not disappoint the expectant crowd, with the opening minutes as fast as the Kassem brothers during Ramadan. The young running Bombers side were playing on at every opportunity and attacking the ball with a ferocity not seen since Muzza drank his first schooner after dry July. The Wests players were matching the North Shore side at every contest, and the opening quarter had all the hallmarks of finals football. North Shore had the upper hand, however the Wests defence were able to stand tall and repel numerous bombing sorties. A bruising first quarter saw Wests head to the water bottles 8 points down, with Norths kicking 2.5, inaccuracy they would come to rue later in the game.

The 2nd quarter saw the Magpies churn the cogs and move up a few gears and wrestle the upper hand in the game. Medair Kassem managed to break more tackles than a clumsy fisherman, and continually won vital contested possessions. Matthew Withers was making his presence felt across the half-forward line, and took more marks than an A-grade student. The return of Cresswell deep in the forward line helped the Magpies convert the forward raids into goals and saw the boys from the Inner West take a 14 point lead going in to the main change.

Supercoach Tognillini was very calm at half-time and pleased with endeavour of the team in the first-half. With impressive prescience, he urged the team to continue with their fast flowing football and that the goals would come as a result. In the premiership quarter Wests were able to take the game out of the reach of the Bombers side, by kicking 6 goals for the term. Brenton “Superman” Mumme managed to make a heavy tackle, quickly jump back to his feet, dive on the loose ball, shrug off two tacklers, sprint away from the contest and hit a leading Cresswell on the chest. Inspirational play from a future leader of the club.

With a 21 point lead going into the last term, the Magpies tightened the screws even further and kicked 4 goals to 1. Captain Stephen Hudson was leading the team admirably and along with Daniel Lambert kept the Bombers forwards on a tight leash. Cresswell snuck a few more goals to finish with 6 for the game, and impressive performance which saw him receive the TV player of the match. Rohan Lilly also put in a resplendent performance playing across the centre. Next week sees the Magpies return to their second home, Henson Park Marrickville to take on UNSW-Eastern Suburbs. This game will also double as ladies day, so all those female Phantom fans are encouraged to make their way to the game to enjoy champagne, massages and various other enjoyable frivolities. Following on from the game, the annual Mouse Cup will be held at the Club from 7.30pm onwards, with Stuart Little currently the short-priced favourite, just ahead of Mighty Mouse. See you at the game.

“The Phantom will never refuse a challenge” – Old Jungle Saying

The Ashes Urn, The Stanley Cup, The America’s Cup, The Claret Jug, The Blacktown Mayoral Shield…..most sporting aficionados would have great difficulty splitting which of those trophies is the most prestigious and sought after trophy in world sport. So it was with great excitement that the players from Western Suburbs arrived at the game, knowing that they were about to compete for a trophy like no other; a trophy with over 100 days of history, a trophy that men have gone to war over. The actual inauguration of the shield is swamped in much mystery, legend has it that after the first match at Ye Olde Blacktown Olympic Park, a mock obituary was sent to the Mayor of Blacktown lamenting the death of Pennant Hills finals hopes. A crazed fan managed to run off with one of the match balls, and legend has it that the shield is inlaid with the same kangaroo leather as was used in the first ever Blacktown Mayoral Shield clash. Over the years, there have been many epic clashes between Western Suburbs and Pennant Hills, as each side managed to lift for the occasion, knowing that the Blacktown Mayoral Shield was on the line.  Wests were desperate to win again, and maintain their record as the only winner of this prestigious trophy.

Windy conditions greeted the players at the opening bounce, conditions so windy that Andy Eurell commented “it feels like we are Essendon”. This comment was followed by silence. “It feels like we are Essendon and playing at Windy Hill”. It was no surprise then that the boys were very flat as most of them spent the first 5 minutes not concentrating on the game, rather concentrating on how to get back the 2 minutes of their life that they spent listening to Eurell’s jokes. To complement the wind, Pennant Hills were operating the greatest defensive flood since Noah’s Ark, which made the opening half as cagey as a UFC fight. 2 goals apiece in a half of football did not sate the goal-hungry appetite of the numerous fans at the game. Supercoach Tognollini was understandably upset with the performance in the first half, his attitude further soured by the poor run of number 7 in the 3rd at Rosehill. Tognollini urged his team to deliver the ball with greater accuracy into the forward line in the 2nd half and to kick more goals. Sage advice from the Supercoach.

After a first half as tight as Matthew Eurell in a shout at the pub, the second half saw some more free-flowing football being played. Goals were still at a premium, however the Magpies were able to kick 4 goals to 2 to open up a handy lead of 13 points going in to the final change. The effort to restrict the opposition to 4 goals by three-quarter time was admirable, with Lynn Roehrig and Daniel Lambert leading the way. Some superb play by Jarryd Lear in the 3rd quarter, which saw him earn a 50m penalty and lay a heavy tackle which lead to 2 goals, were vitally important in a low scoring match.
 
In the final quarter, Rohan Lilly and Eid Kassem popped up with crucial goals, and the run provided across midfield by Dwain Watkins was superb. Watkins managed to win the “most prominent and noticeable hairstyle on the field award” otherwise known as the TV player of the week. Joel Minnichiello and Medair Kassem were other Magpies player to stand out. The final score was 63 to 42, a reflection of the tightness of the game and the windy conditions which made accurate kicking difficult. Next week sees the Magpies again travel out to Blacktown Olympic Park, to face the 4th placed team North Shore on Sunday. Round 1 saw the Magpies win in a tight encounter, and this clash is sure to be difficult with the Bombers desperate for a win to arrest a worrying form slump. See you at the game.

“The Phantom’s fists dart like a bee, hit like a bull elephant” – Old Jungle Saying

THE PHANTOM IS BACK!!

For those Wests fans longingly waiting with ardent fervour for the return of the Phantom, your extended vigil is over – The Phantom is back! The reason for my absence would be clear to all those Wests fans well versed in international current affairs (Ben Absolum), as reports of the virus epidemic that swept through the Bengali Jungle was front-page news in all international  periodicals of note. This virus, e.blanche marlinitis, was that bilious, that even a man of such Adonis proportions and conditioned eupepsia as The Phantom was struck down for over a month, and restricted from watching the greatest AFL team in the land, the Mighty Maggies.

With a bye during the week resulting in no game to report on, the Phantom decided to answer the demands of the yearning masses and  post another award-winning blog* (*2010 West Dunville Loop Primary School AFL Blog Competition – 3rd Place). The recent departure of Irish import Shane ‘Beagán’ D’arcy has caused much sadness amongst Wests fans. D’arcy has been a great addition to the side over the last 2 years, but more importantly has been a great fella around the club, with no-one (except for Dwain Watkins) having a bad word to say about him. Before Shane jumped back on the Royal Ireland Potato Cruise Liner for the long ship ride back home, he was kind enough to give up some of his time for an interview with the Phantom.

(Scene: A dilapidated run-down apartment in Bondi, the Phantom makes his way to the door, stepping past empty Guinness Kegs, 4-leaf clovers and a framed photo of Michael Flatley to knock on the door. One Irishman, Paddy O’Sullivan answers the door: “Dibblydeepotatoes, doyoulikedags?” After much discussion and hand-signalling, the Phantom finally works out that he is speaking English. After more gesticulating and the offer of a Pint of Guiness, he finally leads the Phantom to Shane’s room which he is sharing with 6 other Irishmen. )

Name: Shane D’Arcy
Nicknames: Scotty, The Scotsman, William Wallace, Billy Conolly, Scotchy
Birthplace: Kildare, Ireland
Height: 6  and a half hands
Weight: 5 stone, 6 pound and 3 pebbles
Favourite Food: Potato Pie or Potato Stew or Baked Potatoes or Potato Cake or Potato and Vegemite
What do you do for a crust? I normally mix flour, yeast and water to make dough and then put it in the oven for 1 hour.
No, I mean what do you do for a job? Ohh, right. I am an electrician.
Skin Type: Pasty white
Most Annoying Team-mate: Matt Eurell
Most Annoying Senior Coach: Craig Tognolini.
Favourite Player: Brenton “Spud” Mumme. He tastes like Potatoes. Mmm potatoes.
(the interview is adjourned for a short time whilst Shane reaches under his pillow and pull out a cooked “I always keep one here just in case” potato and eats it with a big grin on his face)
What do you do when not playing AFL? I normally stay at home and practise my Irish jig whilst watching Riverdance on the TV for the 1,243rd time.
Biggest sporting achievement: Playing in front of 70,000 people at Croke Park for Kildare.
Favourite Sporting Memory from Oz: Playing International Rules against the NSW GAA
Wish for this year: For the boys to win the Premiership!
Thing that annoys you: When Aussies take advantage of Irish stereotypes.

The interview concludes and it is with much sadness that the Phantom says farewell to the Magpies finest ever import from County Kildare, Ireland. This week the team faces Pennant Hills for the Blacktown Mayoral Shield, a trophy valiantly won by the Magpies last year. The Seniors will start at 1pm so all Magpies fans make your way to the game early. See you there.

“Only a fool crosses the Phantom” – Old Jungle Saying.

With the recent bye and no Western Suburbs action for almost 2 weeks, the Phantom was left twiddling his thumbs with no high-quality football action to be found. This is where a learned friend of mine told me about this small tournament happening on the other side of the world, the 2010 FIFA Football World Cup (or as Les Murray likes to call it - the Soccer World Cup). I thought that I may as well see what all the fuss is about and turn my attention to a few games. The tournament brings in nations from all over the world (with over 200 participants striving to qualify it has slightly more nations than the Rugby League world cup) to play a game watched by over 1 billion people (slightly higher TV audiences than the Sydney AFL match of the Round on Friday Nights Main Event 518). This small event has actually gained a lot of attention over the last few weeks, with Australian represented by the Socceroos and New Zealand (yes I too thought that the only 2 sports they played were Rugby and Whingeing) represented by the All Whites. A few contacts in South Africa have informed me that the tournament is going well so far. Football does have a curious system where any physical contact between opposing players is followed by theatrical diving, sometimes from both players, who then clutch their face and remonstrate wildly in the hope that the referee will produced a coloured card from his person. This tactic has been successful so far, with numerous coloured cards being shown, much to the amusement of AFL fans who see more physical contact when Ben Absolum attacks the footy. The tournament still has two weeks to run, but with Sydney AFL action resuming on the weekend, it is anticipated that interest levels will drop dramatically as all eyes turned away from Brazil vs Portugal in Durban, to Wests v St George at Olds Park.

Wests returned from the bye after a solid if not spectacular first half of the season, sitting equal first on 7 wins and 2 losses. Traveling to Olds Park is always one fixture that the players do not look forward too, with high swirling winds seeming to be a permanent feature of any game there. However Wests named a strong side and were looking to start the second half of the season in strong fashion. St George won the toss and started with the wind and had the majority of the play in the first quarter. However sterling defence from Wests, lead by Rohan Lilly who is in superb form and is creating havoc for opposition coaches, meant that St George were only able to kick 2 goals in the first quarter. Some smart play from the Wests forward line, saw the Mighty Magpies kick 3 goals and take a slim 7 point lead into the first change.

Running with the wind in the 2nd quarter, the Wests side lifted their game and managed to exert their dominance on the scoreboard, kicking another 3 goals to stretch their lead out to 26 points. The team was eagerly awaiting Supercoach Tognolini's half-time address, and they weren't disappointed with Toggs giving his address and he even included his post code. The 3rd quarter was where the game was going to be won, with the Dragons eager to reduce the deficit. However accurate kicking from the Wests majestic marking Matthew's, Eurell and Withers saw Wests extend their lead. Medair Kassem was like a trampoline across the half-back line, continually springboarding the Wiggly Worm into attack. Marcus and Dave Linsen continued to enhance their growing reputation as Wests premier brothers, (move over Kassems), by winning the ball across the middle of the ground and driving it into the Wests forward line. The fleet-footed sultan of speed, Ben Absolum kicked a handy goal, and together with great goals from Withers and Creswell, the Magpies had shot to a 41 point lead.

The last quarter saw the boys from the inner west extend the margin out to 55 points. Matt Eurell continued his goal kicking form to kick 5, Cresswell kicked 4 and Matt Withers had a great game in the forward line. Rohan Lilly, Lynn Roehrig and Marcus Linsen had great games for the team. Due to inclement weather, next weeks eagerly awaited ground opening top of the table blockbuster at Picken Oval has been moved to Henson Park on Sunday. Despite the disappointment of the rescheduling, this game will still be one that cant be missed, with both teams on 8 wins and this being the proverbial 8 point game. The Students will be looking to atone for their round 2 thumping at the hands of the Magpies. Wests will be strengthened by the return of some key members of their back line, and will be looking to continue their good run of form. Also a reminder for all fans of the Wiggly Worm to get their tickets for the much vaunted James Bond Ball to be held on the 3rd July 2010. Tickets are still available and the Phantom will be there!

Wests vs UNSW Round 9

The Phantom decided this week that with the ground development of Picken Oval almost complete, it was time to step back through memory lane and give some commentary on the great training grounds Wests players have had the privilege of stamping their studs on over the years. First stop is Picken Oval, Wests spiritual home ground located adjacent to Sydney’s best (and only) AFL leagues club. Having been built on top of a tip (literally), drainage was always an issue at Picken. The ground was often declared too wet to train if one of the u/18s accidently spilt their water bottle before the seniors training was due to commence. This often led to the team searching for alternative options in the area, with the nearby nature strip often providing the only grass available. The lighting situation was also not ideal, with the only illumination coming from Mr Tails wristwatch and Supercoach Tognolini’s mobile phone. This however was an improvement on the lighting at Picken, which used to involve one rather large flashlight mounted on top of the clubhouse, providing some light to one pocket of the ground. This lead to some interesting warm up laps in the u/18s, with half the team disappearing in the darkened far pocket, only to reappear 3 drills later.

The main alternate, and previous home ground of the Magpies, is the mighty W.H. Wagener oval located a stone’s throw from Picken. Coincidentally, this ground was also built on an old tip and has historically suffered surface level issues. Training drills at Wagener always had an added degree of difficulty, with ‘depth’ adding a third dimension with some areas of the oval being meters higher than others. The notorious ‘warm patch’ in the forward pocket and the sand patches were other highlights. The 40 watt lightbulbs that used to light the ground also caused problems, especially for Wests superstar Matt Withers, who has trouble seeing an ocean from the
beach on a bright day.

The result of all these training challenges had been to bring the team closer together, with every player always looking forward to getting back to the club after a hard nights training. Nevertheless, the re-development of Picken Oval and creation of state-of-the-art gym facilities will only strengthen the teams training and playing performance, but also the teams ties with the local community. A buzz has been building around the club, with players, officials, fans, support staff all looking forward to the day the Wiggly Worm returns to Picken Oval. That day is slated for June 26th, Saturday afternoon against Sydney University. Not only will it be a great day, it will also be a great game with the Students sitting equal top with Wests and East Coast on 7 wins and 2 losses.

To the weekend’s game, wet weather caused havoc with the fixture list, with u/18s and reserve grade being postponed and seniors being moved to 1pm kick-off. UNSW despite the quality of their playing list have had a slow start to the season. However, Wests had to be wary of taking on the side that knocked them out of the preliminary final last year. The centre square was also a mud bath, which augured well for an all-day battle. The opening quarter was a tight affair, with Wests gaining a slender lead of 10 points. The lead could have been greater, but power forward Darryn Cresswell was guilty of a few glaring misses. However the team was full of encouragement for the young star, as he is still developing his skills in the game. The 2nd quarter saw Wests extend their lead to 20 points through tough hard footy in the middle of the mud bath. Medair Kassem had flash back to his previous career, and spent more time mud wrestling than playing AFL. A welcome return was enjoyed by Brenton ‘Spud’ Mumme, who played some inspiring football in the centre of the ground, and showed the rest of the team how to put their body on the proverbial line.

The Magpies came out in the 2nd half with the knowledge that any lapse in concentration would allow the UNSW students to fight back. However Wests didn’t give an inch and continued to fight for every possession. Supercoach Toggs was impressed with the Teams desperation and he likened the game to an arm wrestle. It took a more learned fan to explain to the coach that arm wrestling and AFL are actually quite dissimilar. One is a sport with two participants, where each participant places one arm, on a surface, with their elbows bent and touching the surface, and they grip each other's hand. The goal is to pin the other's arm onto the surface, with the winner's arm over the loser's arm. AFL is a football code indigenous to Australia contested by 18 players on an oval field where players aim to kick a football between two goal posts. I hope this will clear up this confusion for the Supercoach.

The last quarter saw the Magpies kick 2 more goals to finish up 31 point winners. In a tough game, Rohan Lilly was the standout for the Magpies and took home the highly regarded Angry Fiddle Player of the Week award. Matt Eurell kicked 4 goals for the day in very difficult goal scoring conditions. Young star Darryn Cresswell finished the game with 2 goals 6 behinds, and was telling anyone who would listen that he kicked 3 goals. It took the same learned fan to explain to him the difference between a goal and 6 behinds. But the young fella is still learning.

The win sees the Magpies well placed heading in to the bye, equal first with 7 wins and 2 losses. The players will take a well deserved rest, excluding star players Rohan Lilly, Ben Absolum, Dave Linsen, Marcus Linsen and Lynn Roehrig who will all be representing Sydney AFL down in Wagga Wagga and Melbourne. This weekend does see the u/18s and reserve grade team take on UNSW at village green so all Magpies fans are encouraged to get to the game to support the club.

‘No man can refuse the voice of the Phantom’ – Old Jungle Saying.

THE PHANTOM REVEALED!!

Wests vs Wollongong Round 8 Henson Park

There has been one question on the lips of all Wests fans over the last few months, who is the Phantom? I have decided once and for all to set the record straight and come clean – I will reveal who is the Phantom.

The Phantom is the 21st in a line of crimefighters that originated in 1536, when the father of British sailor Christopher Walker was murdered during a pirate attack. The only survivor of the attack, Christopher was washed ashore on a Bengallan beach, and swore an oath on the skull of his father's murderer to dedicate his life to the destruction of piracy, greed, cruelty and injustice, with his sons and their sons set to follow him. I have continued with my ancestors legacy and currently live in the Deep Woods in Bengali. Why are you writing match reports for Wests, you ask? Good question. I just happen to follow the greatest AFL team in Australia, Wests, and my good friend Mr Tails asked if I could contribute to the website. There, I hope that clears things up for all the fans who were wondering as to the identity of the Phantom.

All these questions got me thinking (which is dangerous for some – especially Ben Absolum), what is in a name, and why do we have ‘nicknames’. Some are obvious abbreviations that come from other players not wishing to extend more breath than necessary (‘Abo’ for Absolum, ‘Watto’ for Watkins, ‘Male Model’ for Brent Lear), some come from the great Australian tradition of adding a ‘y’ to someone’s name (‘Leesy’ for Lees, ‘Lemmy’ for Lemme, ‘Laffertyy’ for Lafferty), some are naturally derived from the last name (‘The Violin’ for Minichiello, ‘The Canoe’ for Roehrig) whereas some come from an interesting situation and just seem to stick. Take for example Matthew ‘Trough’ Eurell. I don’t need to delve too deeply in to the story, but needless to say ‘Trough’ does refer to that great metal wall that men go to whenever they feel nature calling, or where Matt Eurell goes for a quick nap. For ex-Wests legend, Salem ‘Yes Sir’ Kassem, his nickname came from the response people had whenever he asked them to do something for him – Yes Sir. (I’m not sure why, it may have had something to do with his arms being larger than Rohan Lilly’s gambling tab at Westsbet.com.au).  There are many other nicknames that get bandied about (such as Super Coach Craig Tognollini’s love of swimming resulting in the nickname ‘Toggs’), but for this week’s edition that will have to do.

To the game, it was a wet, cold and miserable ‘Super Saturday’ at Henson Park with the Sydney weather continuing to rain, rain and rain. An evening kick-off of 4.30pm confused some, with Kris Cochrane rushing to the ground, thinking he was late, only to arrive at 1pm with no senior players in site. The Magpies were keen to atone for last weeks miserable performance, and welcomed back some handy inclusions to the side. Chris Lees showed remarkable courage to climb off the operating table on the morning of the game to play for the pride of the Wiggly Worm (by the way Leesy, I hope that hemorrhoids operation went well). The first quarter started well for the Magpies, with Dave Linsen and Cal McGuirk winning the ball in the midfield and providing the platform for the Wests forward triumvirate of Eurell, Cresswell and Lees to put the damage on the scoreboard. A 6 goals to nil quarter was the perfect start for the team.

The 2nd quarter saw the Magpies continue their dominance, as Wollongong found it difficult to get the ball beyond Wests half-back line, with Marcus Linsen dominating. With Wollongong goalless and more than 50 points behind, it took two consecutive 50m penalties, and then another free-kick in the centre square which was actually taken from the Lions goal square (Laws of AFL 2008, 2.3(a)) for the boys from the south to get on the goal scoring sheet.

The 2nd half of the game saw the Magpies continue their dominance, continually being first to the ball and having the forward line act as a cohesive unit to finish off the teams good play. It was no surprise that 3 Magpies forwards finished with 5 goals each, and that best on ground was Kris Cochrane, who provided great link-up play all game between the midfield and the forwards. Dave Linsen and Lynn Roehrig both continued their great form of late, and will be looking to have big games when they represent the Sydney AFL representative side.  The final victory margin of 88 points saw the Mighty Magpies head back to equal first on the ladder, amongst a logjam of teams on 6 wins and 2 losses.

This week sees the team travel to UNSW to face and Easts team who have been struggling of late, and Wests will keen to seek revenge after last years preliminary final heartbreak. See you at the game.

“Call the Phantom anywhere – and he will hear” – Old Jungle Saying.

The Phantom was inundated with letters and comments during the week after the last update hit the press, with the mail service here in the Deep Jungle stretched to breaking point. There were two main recurring themes to the correspondence; one – Phantom you are so clever and humorous you brighten my existence; two – Phantom please tell me more about the Wests Magpies and what makes them such a great team and club. Firstly thank you to all that wrote in. In tackling issue two, I decided that I needed to get to the heart and soul of what makes the Magpies tick, and to do that there was only one man I needed to speak to. So this week I was lucky enough to be granted an audience with His Exalted Majestic Highness Mesafint Club President Andrew Taylor.

Scene: A cold, wet Wednesday Morning at 40 Hampton St Croydon Park. The Phantom makes his way through the bright lights of the pokies room, pushes his way through the throng of happy patrons at the main bar and heads down the sombre stairwell and enters the throne room of the Exalted One, Mr Tails. The room is filled with priceless memorabilia, from a 1982 Western Suburbs Dressing Gown to the tape that was used when Bruce Hunter strapped his first ankle in 1951. You can almost smell the rich AFL history in the air, and then you look into the corner and see a collection of odd football boots from the last 10 years and realise what the smell is. An excerpt from the interview follows:

Name: Andrew Taylor
Nicknames: Tails, Warwick Capper, The Stallion, Fabio
Job: Club President – Sydney Magpies also known as Western Suburbs Australian Rules Football Club (SMWSAFC)
Age: Ageless
Family: Yes
Favourite Memory: I remember watching Richmond last win a game, it was Round 11 2002 against Footscray. I think the score was 3.11 to 4.2. Clinton King was best on ground…….
Goals for this year:

• •   To watch Richmond win a game
• •   To successfully complete a 1st grade training drill without stuffing up the entire drill
• •   To see the Magpies win the flag in 2010. C’mon the Maggies!! Go you good thing!!! (note: at this stage the interview is adjourned for 5 mins as Mr Taylor precedes to work himself into a passionate frenzy continually shouting various versions of ‘C’mon Magpies’ to the amusement of the three old ladies in the pokies room. Russell from the bar finally comes and tells us to keep the noise down and the interview resumes…)

Favourite Player: Bocca
Favourite Hobby: Standing on the middle of Picken Oval in the middle of the night enjoying the panoramic views of green grass with a big smile on my face
Pet Peeve: People who discard their old gym equipment in the club gym
Worst trait: Have been known to use more colourful language than the Queens English at times; especially when the Magpies are playing and the umpires are not interpreting events in the same manner as I am.
Biggest Vanity: My full head of lush, long golden flowing locks.........

The Phantom thanks Mr Tails and makes his way up the stairs and out of the club. On the way out he almost gets trapped and unmasked by a few staunch Magpie supporters enjoying a few morning middies, however “The Phantom moves faster than the eye can see” and he quickly makes his getaway......

On to the weekends game, the Magpies made the long trip North on a wet and miserable Sunday afternoon to face a Pennant Hills side desperate for a win. Results from the Saturday meant that the Magpies would jump one game clear on the top of the ladder with a win. However the Demons were desperate for a win to stay in touch with the top 5, and fielded their strongest team for season 2010. Wests were severely undermanned with numerous withdrawals throughout the week. Two more withdrawals on the morning of the game, including recent star Medair “I know when to stop” Kassem, meant the Wests fielded a very under-strength side. Supercoach Tognolini implored the players to put in a concerted effort, however as events panned out, the players put in an inspid and uninspired performance, no doubt in part attributed to several players losing concentration on the field as they tried to work out what “concerted” meant.

The first half could not have gone much worse for the boys from the inner west, with Chris “Scarface” Lees knocked out within 2 mins, the result being him playing no more part in the game - yet he did enjoy a close up tour of the local hospital. To compound the problem, Mark “Can” Breakwell (rumour is he is a very good break dancer) went off in the 2nd quarter with a serious knee injury. Fingers crossed that the diagnosis is better than expected. This left the Magpies with two players on the bench, being the same two players who had just played a full game in the reserves. Despite this there was no excuse for the team’s attack (or lack thereof) on the football in the first half, with the Magpies continually being second to the ball. Pennant Hills enjoyed the majority of the play and Wests were fortunate that the Demons weren’t more accurate, as they found themselves down by only 12 points at half time.

Despite the continued supplicatory demands of Coach Tognolini for the players to lift their efforts, the Magpies felt the game slip away in the 3rd quarter. A few timely free kicks inside the 50 combined with some good play saw the Demons kick 4 goals in a row to streak away from the Magpies. Brenton ‘Spud’ Mumme provided one of the only highlight’s for the Magpies, by kicking a fine goal on the run after some good lead up play from Matthew Lemme. Pennant Hills kicked 4.5 to Wests 1.2 to open up a 33 point lead going in to the final quarter.

The Demons kicked the first 3 goals of the final quarter and it threatened to become an embarrassing loss for the Magpies. However the team was able to salvage some pride by kicking the last 4 goals for the match and cut the final losing margin to 32 points. This in no way could paper over the cracks of a performance in which the team was continually beaten in the middle of the ground, and regularly broke down across half forward. There were 3 standout players for the Magpies. Stephen Hudson lead admirably from the front, and Dave Linsen was the only midfielder to exert influence over the 4 quarters. The standout player and best on ground was Tasmanian star Dave Cusack, who continued his great from this year and repelled numerous attacking raids from the opposition.

The team are looking forward to redemption and the opportunity to play closer to home by taking on Wollongong at Henson Park in the twilight game at 4.30pm. Wollongong enjoyed their first win of the year last week and always present a tough challenge. See you at the game.

The Phantom

“The Phantom moves as silently as a fog” – Old Jungle Saying

Dear Phantom,

I thoroughly enjoy reading you blog every week. You have the journalistic integrity of a Current Affair, combined with Phil Gould’s mastery of the written word and the humour of a Drew Carrey stand up gig. I eagerly await your reports every week.  
The reason I write in is that I noticed our esteemed coach, Craig Tognollini was interviewed under the player profile section of the Sydney AFL Record. Are you familiar with said publikation? And what are your foughts on the interview? Does this mean he will play this year? I personally fink he is too old and slow and has no hart, but am interested as to your foughts.

Yours Truly,
D. Watkins
Kensington.

Thank you for the letter D Watkins. Firstly I believe you need to do a bit more work on your spelling, champ, but keep up the good work. Secondly, I am familiar with said publication and do receive a weekly edition here in the Bengali Jungle. I too reacted with surprise when I saw Mr Tognolini profiled as a player. I do not think he will make a comeback this year, rather I think he was confused as to where the interview would be published and did not realise that it would show him as a player. The reason I infer this is clear from the interview. He lists his greatest strength as ‘penetrating’ left foot, which obviously displays his confusion, as penetrating does not mean ‘no further than 20ms in a wayward direction’. Also it lists, ‘Last Book I Read’ and he replied ‘7 strategies for successful people’. Again this shows he did not understand the question, as the last book he saw in a bookstore was ‘7 strategies for successful people’ whereas the last book he read was ‘5 tips on how to fail’. I could go further, such as what boots he wears (he answered Puma Kings – but he wears Puma Queens) but I believe you seen the evidence as to why he wont play this year. As he said in reply to best advice he has ever received, “Its time you retire – champ”.

On to the game, after the disappointment of Wests first loss last week, the boys faced an even tougher test against the undefeated North Shore Bombers. North Shore were a young, fit and confident side who had recruited well in the off-season and similar to Supercoach Tognolini when stepping on the scales – were yet to see a loss. Some late withdrawals to the team did not help the situation, however the team came out switched on in the first quarter and battled manfully in the midfield. 3 goals apiece was a fair reflection of the evenness of the first quarter, with the notable highlight being Cal “The Salesman” McGuirk finally managing to successfully sell a dummy, and kick a fine goal on the run.

The 2nd quarter saw the Magpies strengthen their hold on the game, with ferocious attack on the ball and great rebound work across the half-back line being a highlight. Ben Absolum, David Clout and David Linsen started to dominate across midfield and gave the forward line plenty of opportunities to score. Lynn Roehrig and the returning captain Stephen “Oh yeah I do actually play” Hudson were towers of strength in defence, ensuring that the majority of the play was in the Wests attacking half. A return of 5.6 to 3 goals straight was a reflection of the Magpies dominance. After inaccuracy cost the side last week, it was worrying that again the team failed to convert their opportunities, with Darryn “Gummy Joe” Cresswell guilty of a few glaring misses. However he did kick a few and was very good for his first game of AFL.

The 3rd quarter saw the team extend their lead, kicking 3.2 to 1.1, with Norths goal coming right on the siren. Some great link up play through the midfield from the returning Eid “The Enforcer” Kassem and his partner in crime Medair “Whats a Gym” Kassem was capitalised by Chris Lees providing a strong option in the forward line. Rohan Lilly started to dominate across the midfield, using his height and strength to take numerous contested marks and find loose possessions across the field. The lead was 32 points going in to the final quarter, and could have been more had the team not conceded goals on the siren in both the 2nd and 3rd quarters.

A different team took the field in the 4th quarter, one that had run out of legs and was suffering from an injury depleted bench. North Shore could smell a chance of a comeback and piled on the pressure on the weary Western Suburbs warriors. The boys looked like they would grimly hold on, with Norths only kicking 1 goal by the 15 min mark. However 3 quick goals brought the margin to within a goal and the game had turned in to a thriller. The players stepped up to the challenge, and showed remarkable desperation to continually repel attack after attack and celebrated with relief when the siren sounded.  It was a victory by 4 points, to a side more than happy to take the 4 points back to the nest. Cal McGuirk had inadvertently sold one of his Dummies to star full-forward Matt Eurell, who proceeded to spit it out as it was too big. Best for the Magpies was hard to decide as all players contributed, however Lynn Roehrig across half-back was outstanding and Rohan Lilly was a tower of strength across the ground. Cresswell and McGuirk both kicked 3 goals apiece for the Magpies.

Next week sees the team take on Pennant Hills at Ern Holmes Oval on Sunday, in what should be an interesting clash. Pennant Hills have started the season slowly however many of their stars are now returning from injury, and their current coach will be pouring of videos and statistics from the 1976 East Ovens
“Crown Paints” Diamond League to find any extra information that will help the Demons get a win against his old club. See you at the game.

“The Phantom can be a dozen places at once” – Old Jungle Saying

The Phantom.